Some pretty interesting emails show up in my inbox, many having to do with problems common to a lot of book clubs. Here’s a recent query I received.
QUESTION: How do you handle a member who tends to dominate the conversation?
ANSWER:
1. Use a special token. Pass an object—a branch, painted stone, or small pillow, say—around the room. ONLY the member who holds the token may talk. Those who aren’t holding the token cannot interrupt or interject even a brief comment. You might consider limiting the number of times a person gets to hold the token. (I personally don’t like the token method, but groups who use it insist it works.)
2. Limit comment time. Use an egg- or kitchen-timer to time members’ comments. No one should talk more than two (2) minutes for openers—and certainly no more than one (1) minute to comment on someone else’s ideas. The goal for all is to learn to talk succinctly so that there’s time for everyone to voice an opinion.
3. Take charge of the discussion. The leader can interject with comments like, “Great, Bill. Thanks. But let’s give others a chance” or “Can we hear from someone else?” or “What do the rest of you think” or “Mary, you haven’t said anything.” It takes an active, fairly skilled, leader to move the discussion from one person to another, without letting a single individual dominate. It’s not easy.
4. When all else fails…be direct.
- Someone may have to initiate a one-on-one conversation with the person — a face-to-face, or perhaps a phone call, but never, never an email. Be frank but kind. Choose someone who has diplomatic skill…or who is a close friend of the person. What to say? Say that some members feel they don’t get to have their ideas heard…or that the group appreciates the person’s insights, but there’s a tendency to over-do. Simply ask that the person give others a chance…or not to interject so frequently…or to limit the length of his/her comments.
- The worst case scenario is to ask the offending member to leave the group. This is painful, but for the sake of the overall group it may be necessary. If the problem isn’t resolved, members may start dropping out and finding other groups. Using a face-to-face conversation or a phone call (never email), suggest—kindly—that the member move on.
Is this a problem in your club? Any suggestions?
Tags: Blogging & Musing // 2 Comments »