Waking Up in Heaven (Interview)

An Interview with Crystal McVea
by Howard Books

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In 2013 Crystal McVea sat down with her publisher at Howard Press (Simon & Schuster) to talk about the inspiration behind her memoir, Waking Up in Heaven.

Q: You say that your last direct communication from God was the most powerful because He told you: “Tell them what you can remember.” Why was this the most powerful and important communication from God? Why do you think God asked you to share your story?

A: When God said, “Tell them what you can remember,” He was telling me what He wanted me to do with the rest of my life. And that is a very, very powerful thing to hear directly from God. This is why He sent me back, why I’m here today and not in heaven. It’s because God still has a plan for me on Earth. And I understand now that the reason He wants me to share my life story is because of all the other people out there who are going through the same struggles and facing the same challenges as I did. God is sending them the message that He is real and He loves them and they are worthy of His love, just as He communicated that message to me. And I think the story of my time in heaven by itself wouldn’t be as powerful without the story of my life and who I was before I met God.


Q: In Waking Up in Heaven, you alternate between your encounter with God and the story of your life, past and present. Why did you decide to structure your story this way? Do you think that the non-linear format reflects God’s way of communicating with us?

A: The truth is that God has been in my life and all over my life forever, and I just wasn’t aware of it. It’s like those dreams that He gave me and that I didn’t understand, and it was only many years later that I was able to look back and figure out they were God’s way of telling me something. So for me, having the heaven chapters appear throughout the book is a way of reinforcing that God was always there for me, that there was never a period of my life when He wasn’t there. God was always a presence in my life, except I didn’t always notice Him. And my time in heaven allowed me to look back on my life with a new perspective and realize He was always there. And I wanted the book to have that same feeling—that God is always there, always trying to communicate with us, even in the worst and hardest times of our lives.

Q: When you talk about “the enemy,” are you referring to the Devil or some other form of evil? How can we recognize “the enemy” in your estimation?

A: When I say “the enemy,” I mean Satan and the demonic realm. In John 10 and many other scriptures, Jesus warns us about the enemy. So many times people believe in God but not in the enemy that Jesus tells us about. One of my favorite quotes says, “The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled off was making the world believe he didn’t exist.” Imagine the havoc that the enemy can wreak in your life if you don’t even believe he is real. I think we can recognize the work of Satan or demons by simply listening to the warning of Jesus—that the enemy comes to kill, steal, and destroy.

Q: You describe the many women who have shared their stories of struggle and heartbreak after hearing your testimony. Do you find that your story is especially important for women who have endured abuse? Do you feel particularly called to empower women?

A: It’s true that a lot of women have come up to me and shared their stories, but I believe my testimony is aimed at anyone who is searching for God, men and women alike. The things I went through—the abortion, the sexual abuse, abandonment—those are things that don’t only affect women. Abortions affect men, too. Sexual abuse affects everyone. Now, my story may be especially relevant to women, because it is told through a woman’s perspective, and women can relate to the things I discuss. But I truly believe my testimony is relevant to anyone and everyone who wants to know, “Is God real? Does He love me? Do I matter?” Finding the answers to these questions can empower everyone, men and women alike.

Q: Talk more about the “nudges” that God gives to you. How can you tell the difference between your voice and God’s?

A: When God tells me to do something, it’s usually something I don’t want to do and/or feel embarrassed about doing. It’s like the day I watched Dr. Phil and saw Laura Schroff on the show, and God nudged me to contact her about helping me with my book. And I just didn’t want to do it. I didn’t want to contact this complete stranger and tell her my whole story, and I prayed and prayed not to have to do it, but God kept nudging me, and finally I did it. And it worked out. Or the time God nudged me to give the waitress a $100 tip. That is the last thing I wanted to do, because I just didn’t have the money. But the beauty of God’s nudges is that He usually shows me why He wanted me to do something once I’ve finally done it. And I can tell the difference between God’s voice and my own voice because my own voice second-guesses everything. But God’s voice is firm.

Q: Do you think the first step to believing in God’s love is forgiveness? Was that the first step you had to take in order to become a believer?

A: Actually, for me the very first step toward believing in God’s love was beginning a relationship with Jesus Christ. I just started talking to him. I asked him to come into my life and my heart. I was plagued with doubt my entire life. But even when I wasn’t sure, I always kept talking to Jesus and God. From the time I was a kid to when I died, I was always asking God questions and asking Him to prove things to me. My heart was open to the possibility that God is real and that He loves me, even if my brain wasn’t. For me, the ability to forgive came later.

Q: If you had to name a theme of your story, what would it be and why?

A: Oh gosh, I don’t know. I just think my life is like everybody else’s, and that all of our lives are an endless pursuit of God. And God never stops pursuing us, no matter how far we stray, no matter how far we fall. So I guess the theme could be that God’s love never fails us. It never fails. And once we realize that, it changes everything. So my story is about my pursuit of God, and God’s pursuit of me. The thing is, I have always seen my story as a beautiful love story. It’s a story about all the amazing things He has done for me on this journey. It’s a love story about God’s love for me, and for all of us.


Q: What has been the most challenging aspect of sharing your story of meeting God? What has been the most rewarding?

A: The challenging part was having to open up every part of my life to the world, which I really did not want to do. Being so transparent, so open about every aspect of my life, was very, very hard. But God told me to tell them everything, and that’s just what I did. And the most rewarding thing has been watching what God is doing with my testimony in other people’s lives. I get to be a witness to this awesome thing that is happening because of God’s amazing grace, and because of what God has done for me. Look, I am not the greatest public speaker, and in fact I really dislike speaking in front of large groups. But when people tell me what God has done for them in their lives because of my story, it makes it all worth it a hundred times over.


Q: What advice do you give to readers who struggle with their faith?

A: Usually when I talk to someone who is struggling I say, “Listen, you could not be any more skeptical than I was. Believe me, I’ve been there.” And then I tell them that no matter what they have to keep the faith that God is real. They can never stop pursuing Him, never stop trying to find Him, never stop talking to Him. Do not close that line of communication. Do not shut Him out. It’s the same as the relationships in our lives—you can’t have a relationship without communication. You have to keep the lines open. Today I talk to God all the time. When I’m vacuuming or doing the dishes or driving, whatever. And it’s not always good stuff. Sometimes I say, “God, today really sucks.” But if you’re struggling with your faith, you have to keep trying and talking and searching, and God will find you.


Q: Describe the process of writing this book. Did God “nudge” you in any particular direction? Do you believe that God called you to share this story with the world?

A: The process of making this book happen could be a book all its own. It was full of twists and turns and crazy events. And even when things fell into place and the book started to become real, all I ever heard was, “This usually doesn’t happen. Books don’t usually happen this way.” So I know it was God’s hand at work. It was God who steered me to Laura Schroff, who steered me to my cowriter, Alex Tresniowski, who steered me to Howard Books. And the process itself was hard sometimes, and there were days when I wondered if God had made a mistake by choosing me, but in the end it all worked out. So yes, I absolutely believe that God wanted me to share my story, and steered me toward the right people, and that is why I couldn’t stay with Him in heaven. Because His plan for me on Earth isn’t finished.


Q: What lesson do you hope that readers will take away from this story?

A: So many people do not realize that God loves them and that they are worthy of His love. So the lesson is, no matter what you’ve done or who you are, you are worthy because God loves you. You matter as a person because you are God’s child. All of us, every single one of us, even those who don’t believe in Him—He just loves us and finds us worthy of that love. That isn’t always an easy thing to understand or accept. The story of my life covers a lot of different sins, including a sin I believed was too horrible to ever be forgiven. But even with all that, God found me worthy of His love, and kept pursuing me. God pursues everyone. He wants the people who abused me just as much as He wants me. He is in an endless pursuit of their lives and hearts. So I hope that people read my story and believe that God’s love is so vast and so powerful and so encompassing, and that they have a place alongside Him, in the splendor of His love.

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