| Government Clamps Down on Long Book Titles | ||
Dec. 12, 2016: Washington, DC— In a rare show of bi-partisanship, Congress cried foul today when the Department of Homeland Security moved to put an end to excessively long book titles. Vulnerable to hacking Disturbing trend |
Mr. Combover gave as an example Margot Lee Shetterly's Hidden Figures: The American Dream and the Untold Story of The Black Women Mathematicians Who Helped America Whoop the Soviets' Ass and Win the Space Race All the While Raising Their Children and Struggling Against Racism and the Man. Buried code "We have reason to believe there's a piece of code buried in that title," he said. "Why else would anyone write like that?" Other examples include the new biography by Julia Baird—Victoria: The Queen: An Intimate Biography of the Woman Who Became Queen at Eighteen, Loved Sex, Had Nine Children and a Fussy Husband, Yet Still Found Time to Rule a Vast Empire that Would One Day Crumble to Nothing— Further Proof (As If One Needed It) that Nothing Lasts Forever. |
Confusing Lengthy titles have dismayed those in the book business, though for different reasons. "Long titles confuse YOUNG people. They read the titles and think they've read the book," said Steve Holt of Steve Holt, Steve Holt, Inc. "Titles are longer than Twitter posts," he said, "and that's a problem." Fronta Loeb, special to The Daily News and LitLovers. |
| Ryan Gosling—Real Genius Behind LitLovers |
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Oct. 12, 2016: Hollywood, CA— Who really is LitLovers? The closely guarded secret that has kept the literary world guessing for years has finally been revealed. Hollywood stunned |
"I'm gobsmacked," tweeted Steve Carell. But think about it— you never saw them in the same room together; it all makes sense." Look alikes Daily News asked Gatti how Gosling got away with it for so long. "Easy," he said; "the two are practically twins." "They have an uncanny resemblance to one another—eye color, hair color, even body build." Hefty woman Gosling's sculpted abs may explain why many—Donald Trump included—have poked fun at Lundquist for being on the "hefty" side. |
"What's a great look for him may not be so great for her," Gatti conceded. Gosling's speech Gatti also noted a perfect match-up in Gosling's speech pattern with Lundquist's writing. "Ryan makes liberal use of dashes and semicolons when he talks—just like Molly when she writes," noted Gatti. Fronta Loeb, special to The Daily News and LitLovers. |
Brooklyn, NY — Weary of the never-ending influx of writers, Brooklyn has finally said, "Enough."
A moratorium on new authors passed the Borough Council unanimously and goes into effect at the end of the month.
"They're everywhere!" complained Edith Wharton. "You can't walk out your door without tripping over one. We should build a wall. And make them pay for it."
Ralf Halfcalf, owner of Cuppa Java agrees. "They're in here the whole damn day—on their laptops—and they buy one lousy decaf-skinny-mocha-capp. Buncha cheapskates, y'ask me."
Where once Brooklynites saw a rich diversity on their sidewalks and in their neighborhoods, they now see drab monotony—an endless parade of skinny jeans, plaid shirts, and vintage Keds.
Not everyone is happy about the new ban. When asked how it might affect her personally, Brooklyn author Irma Vepp sounded distresed. "So… yeah. It's like… you, know, like… so WEIRD??" —her anxiety painfully evident in her pronounced upspeak.
Bella Ziplock, borough president, seemed almost apologetic. "Really, I've met some of them, and they seem decent enough. But there's been a lot of pressure—we just can't take in any more of them."
Cherie Belle Korteks, special to City Examiner
and LitLovers.
| Authors Battle for November Contest |
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Feb. 28, 2016: Greenville, NC— |
November is when the coveted NATIONAL BOOK AWARDS are announced. This year stakes are high with tempers running even higher. Never this bad "I've never seen it get this nasty," said Reagan Eagan, awards jurist. "Authors typically behave with greater decorum." True. Still, it's hard not to feel a twinge of guilty pleasure listening to these Olympiads sling their polished insults. Charge of elitism One debate had best- selling AUTHOR Bernie Sandbag calling rival Hillary Clinchpin a sellout. "You don't give a hoot for the average reader," Sandbag said. All you care about is Goldman Smacks. |
Emails Tedino Cruz chimed in that people are a lot more interested in Hillary's emails than her books. "Pipe down," Tedino. Nobody likes you," Hillary said. "Even your editors don't like you." Their novels "OMG!" said one book critic. "This beats any of their novels. The language is poetic ... the characters so believable. Another critic agreed: "No one could write this stuff. No one would even try." Fronta Loeb, special to The Daily News and LitLovers. |