Love the One You're With
Emily Giffin, 2008
St. Martin's Press
342 pp.
ISBN-13: 9780312348663
Summary
Ellen's relationship to Andy doesn't just seem perfect on the surface, it really is perfect. She loves his family, and everything about him, including that he brings out the best in her.
That is, until Ellen unexpectedly runs into Leo. The one who got away. The one who brought out the worst in her. The one she can't forget. This is the story about why we chose to love the ones we love, and why we just can't forget the ones who aren't right for us.
Emily Giffin brings both humor and heart to her novels and has an uncanny ability to tap into the things women are really thinking and feeling. In Love the One You're With, she proves, once again, why she is the fastest rising star of women's fiction writing today. (From the publisher.)
Author Bio
• Birth—March 20, 1979
• Where—Baltimore, Maryland, USA
• Raised—Naperville, Illinois
• Education—B.A., Wake Forest University; J.D., University of Virginia
• Currenbtly—lives in Atlanta, Georgia
Emily Giffin is the bestselling American author of eight novels commonly categorized as "chick lit." More specifically, Giffin writes stories about relationships and the full array of emotions experienced within them.
Giffin earned her undergraduate degree at Wake Forest University, where she also served as manager of the basketball team, the Demon Deacons. She then attended law school at the University of Virginia. After graduating in 1997, she moved to Manhattan and worked in the litigation department of Winston & Strawn. But Giffin soon determined to seriously pursue her writing.
In 2001, she moved to London and began writing full time. Her first young adult novel, Lily Holding True, was rejected by eight publishers, but Giffin was undaunted. She began a new novel, then titled Rolling the Dice, which became the bestselling novel Something Borrowed.
2002 was a big year for Emily Giffin. She married, found an agent, and signed a two-book deal with St. Martin's Press. While doing revisions on Something Borrowed, she found the inspiration for a sequel, Something Blue.
In 2003, Giffin and her husband left England for Atlanta, Georgia. A few months later, on New Year's Eve, she gave birth to identical twin boys, Edward and George.
Something Borrowed was released spring 2004. It received unanimously positive reviews and made the extended New York Times bestsellers list. Something Blue followed in 2005, and in 2006, her third, Baby Proof, made its debut. No new hardcover accompanied the paperback release of in 2007. Instead, Giffin spent the year finishing her fourth novel and enlarging her family. Her daughter, Harriet, was born May 24, 2007.
More novels:
2008 - Love the One You're With
2010 - Heart of the Matter
2012 - Where We Belong
2014 - The One & Only
2016 - First Comes Love
(Author bio adapted from Wikipedia.)
Visit the author's website.
Follow Emily on Twitter.
Book Reviews
Giffin's talent lies in taking relatable situations and injecting with enough wit and suspense to make them feel fresh. The cat-and-mouse game between Ellen and Leo lights up these pages, their flirtation as dangerously addictive as a high-speed car chase. The ending isn't explosive, but what Ellen learns is quietly thrilling: Sometimes, you have to do whatever it taks to be with the one you love.
People
[Giffin’s books] are smart, sad and witty.... In her latest novel, newlywed photographer Ellen begins to have misgivings about her marriage when she runs into an old flame and feels the familiar lightning bolt of attraction. She contemplates an affair. It all sounds very formulaic, doesn’t it? It isn’t.... Giffin is bold enough to allow a mainstream heroine to be happily married while still maintaining her curiosity about the road—or the guy—not taken, let alone considering infidelity. And she’s able to show the strains that these considerations take on family, friends and husband.... It’s the difference between appealing to a mass audience and a reader who wants her ideals challenged rather than affirmed, often intentionally ending in ambiguity and compromise. It’s the stuff of real life, stripped of literary pretensions.
National Post (Canada)
Love that’s clouded by the memory of an old romantic relationship is the subject of Emily Giffin’s aptly titled Love the One You’re With.... Readers will follow Ellen with fascination and trepidation as she enters the dangerous waters of what might have been—or still could be.
Hartford Courant
Giffin’s book is instantly relatable—few don't wonder how their lives would be different if they had turned left rather than right at life's big forks. Her writing is realistic and entertaining. There are unexpected plot twists and measured jabs at materialism and Southern societal norms…[and] Giffin's funny, honest voice lends credence to this modern riff on the old adage that the grass appears greener on the other side of the fence.
Charlotte Observer
A chance encounter with an old flame in Giffin's bittersweet, sometimes mawkish fourth novel causes Ellen Dempsey to consider anew what could have been. Shortly after marrying Andy, Ellen runs into Leo, her intense first love. Leo, a moody writer, has secretly preoccupied Ellen ever since he broke her heart, so after seeing him again, Ellen wonders if her perfect life is truly what she wants or simply what she was expected to want. This scenario is complicated by Ellen's past: the early death of her mother and subsequent disintegration of her family have left Ellen insecure and saddled with unresolved feelings of guilt. These feelings intensify when Andy's career takes the newlyweds from Ellen's beloved New York City to suburban Atlanta. As Ellen's feelings of inadequacy and resentment grow, her marriage begins to crumble. The novel is sometimes bogged down by characters so rooted in type that they, and the story line, can only move in the most obvious trajectory. However, Giffin's self-aware narrator and focus on troubled relationships will satisfy those looking for a light women's lit fix.
Publishers Weekly
New York City-based photographer Ellen Graham is a happy newlywed—until a chance meeting with an old boyfriend leads her to revisit the past and question her present in Giffin's (Baby Proof) fourth novel. When Ellen crosses paths with her journalist ex, Leo, her obsessive love for him resurfaces. Leo quickly finds an inroad to Ellen's life, offering her up a plum photography assignment she can't refuse. Ellen remains faithful to her husband but can't deny her strong feelings for Leo. Nonetheless, she agrees to move to Atlanta to make her husband happy. Of course, once settled there, Ellen is profoundly unhappy and reconnects with Leo, making plans to take photographs for another of his articles. The tension builds as Ellen balances on the brink of an action that could change the course of her life. Giffin delivers another relatable and multifaceted heroine who may behave unexpectedly but will ultimately find her true path.
Karen Core - Library Journal
Discussion Questions
1. Ellen and Leo’s meeting at the crosswalk is accidental—or it is fate? Do you believe in fate or destiny? How have fate and destiny played a role in your own life?
2. After running into Leo on the street, Ellen becomes very preoccupied with thoughts of him. Do you think that this is a normal reaction to running into someone you once loved? Do you feel that it is okay to maintain relationships with exes? Explain.
3. The Grahams’ world is vastly different from the world in which Ellen grew up. Would you be attracted to the Grahams’ world? Do you feel that a desire to leave Ellen’s roots behind played a role in her initial friendship with Margot? Do you think it is possible to maintain a close friendship with someone from a much different background? Why or why not?
4. In many ways, Andy seems to be an ideal husband. He is thoughtful, considerate, successful. How do you feel about the fact that Ellen often questions her relationship with him? How do you feel when she compares Andy and Leo?
5. How is Leo different from Andy? Can you think of any ways in which they are similar? What do their similarities and differences say about Ellen? Are the two men reflections of truly different sides of her?
6. Margot was the first person to be supportive of Ellen’s desire to be a photographer. Was Leo? Was Andy supportive of her career? Why or why not?
7. What do you think it says about Ellen that she likes to view the world through the lens of her camera?
8. Do you think that Ellen made the right decision by taking the offer to shoot Drake Watters? At what point do you feel Ellen should have told Andy about Leo’s involvement with the Drake and/or Coney Island projects? Do you feel he would have been accepting if she had been straightforward with him? Do you think it is ever okay to withhold the truth from a spouse? Explain.
9. When Andy suggests the move to Atlanta, did you find yourself rooting for Ellen to agree—or hoping that she’d stay in New York? Do you feel she had good reasons for her decision?
10. What are your overall thoughts on Leo? Do you feel that he is genuine in what he says to Ellen throughout the book? Did your thoughts change at all as the story progressed?
11. Margot doesn’t tell Ellen that Leo came back to the apartment to see her. She does this for Ellen’s “own good.” Do you agree? Do you see this as a betrayal or act of friendship—or both? If you were in Ellen’s shoes, would you be angry?
12. In many friendships, there is a delicate balance of power. Whom do you feel has the power in Margot and Ellen’s relationship? Does that balance of power shift? If so, what causes it to shift?
13. At Ellen and Andy’s going away party, Margot recognizes Leo’s byline in the magazine and puts the pieces together. How do you think Margot feels being caught between her loyalty to her best friend and her brother? Do you feel she handled her conflicting loyalties well throughout the book?
14. Describe the relationship between Ellen and her sister Suzanne. Do you think Suzanne has a positive or negative influence on Ellen and her decision-making? Do you feel Suzanne is a truer friend to Ellen than Margot? If so, how? If not, why not?
15. After the Coney Island shoot, Leo and Ellen go back to Leo’s apartment and are interrupted by a phone call from Suzanne. Do you feel Ellen would have gone further with Leo had her sister not called when she did? Do you feel that Ellen had already cheated on Andy prior to this moment?
16. At what point does a relationship with another man become a true infidelity? When you share secrets with him? When there is physical contact? Do you believe Ellen cheated on Andy on the red-eye flight with Leo?
17. Throughout the book, did Leo give any warning signs that he wouldn’t be good for Ellen? Do you feel Andy gave any warning signs that he also might not be good for Ellen?
18. Do you feel Ellen made the right decision at the end of the book? Were you surprised by her choice?
19. Do you think Ellen and Andy’s relationship was changed by this experience? Do you think Ellen ever confesses what happened in Leo’s apartment? Would you confess?
20. Discuss Ellen’s revelation that love is a choice and not a surge of passion. Do you agree?
(Questions from author's website.)