When I Married My Mother: A Daughter's Search for What Really Matters—and How She Found It Caring for Mama Jo
Jo Maeder, 2009
Beulahland Press (2013 Paperback)
304 pp.
ISBN-13: 9780985548216
Summary
Who would think a New Yorker caring for a declining, doll-collecting, hoarder mother in the South would turn into the adventure of a lifetime? Throw in bingo playin' drag queens, long-standing family feuds, and unresolved guilt in every direction—and you've got When I Married My Mother.
Each eldercare situation is different, but the emotions and decisions that need to be made are similar. Through a hard-to-put-down story this book is a helping hand to deal with "the long goodbye." Don't dread it. Embrace it! You might find love blooms, laughter erupts and self-knowledge grows in the most unlikely of situations.
Even those who have already lost a parent have found a cathartic release in the journey of Mama Jo and Jo Jr. (From the publisher.)
Author Bio
• Birth—N/A
• Where—Washington, D.C., USA
• Education—B.S., Syracuse University; M.B.A,
Columbia University
• Currently—lives in North Carolina
Jo Maeder is the author of the memoir When I Married My Mother (hardcover, paperback, and e-book). Maya Angelou said about it: This book is important to every mother and daughter, and to every woman who wants to be one.”
Jo’s essays have appeared in the New York Times, New York Daily News, More magazine, and on AOL. She is a contributor to O. Henry magazine and the News & Record’s weekly arts and entertainment section Go Triad. She also wrote a column on popular culture for Lifetime TV’s website.
In 2011, she started the Triad BookUP, which promotes “long-form reading in a short-form world.” Inspired by Seattle’s Reading Party, the public is invited to show up where food and beverages are served and B.Y.O.B. (Bring Your Own Book) to read to themselves. (See WXII-TV coverage.)
She holds bragging rights to Best Cookie and Best Overall Yummy Treat at the 2008 Oak Ridge Country Fair. She perfected the recipe while caring for Mama Jo. “I call it my ‘Betty Jo Crocker’ recipe. I take a Betty Crocker mix and don’t follow the directions. I do that a lot, not always with such great results.” But using a mix for a baking contest? “The only rule was: You can’t have walked into a store and walked out with your entry.”
As a DJ, Jo is renowned from her years on South Florida’s Y-100 and I-95, and New York’s WKTU, K-ROCK, and Z100. (She also co-hosted a home improvement talk show on WABC). She created VH1.com’s Black Jack channel, spanning the spectrum of R&B music and has interviewed celebrities from Bob Marley to Michael Jackson. Her encounter with James Brown on Z100 is in the Paley Center for Media, as is her former K-ROCK show devoted to Bob Dylan, “Knockin’ on Dylan’s Door.” Her “Rock and Roll Madame” changeovers with Howard Stern are among the many highlights of her radio career.
Maeder earned a B.S. in Communications from Syracuse University and an M.B.A. from Columbia University. For many years she taught a course on radio at N.Y.U. (From the author's website.)
Book Reviews
Takes an honest yet upbeat look at one family’s experience with intergenerational living and dealing with an aging and dying parent. It’s a story designed to evoke both laughter and tears.
Northwest Observer
Maeder brings sharp wit and a reporter’s investigative skills to her own experience of the growing trend of intergenerational households.
St. Petersburg Times
This account of the universally sad experience of slowly losing a parent is touching and often humorous, in no small part because Maeder understands the importance of telling good stories.
Newark Star-Ledger
Maeder is an engaging storyteller who conjures Alix Kates Shulman's A Good Enough Daughter. For caregivers and those in the sandwich generation coming to terms with their parents’ mortality.
Library Journal
A witty and wily reframing of [the] age-old conflict.... Maeder is insightful and sarcastic, humorous and heartfelt.
New Orleans Times-Picayune
Honest and sweetly funny memoir…Maeder’s sharp wit makes it easy to laugh.... Maeder’s candor and humor may comfort readers who’ve cared for an aging parent.... This memoir [is] nearly impossible to put down.
Women’s Voices for Change
With a wildly compassionate—especially to self—voice, Jo Maeder exhibits the sense of humor that makes her a live wire in the quick thinking world of personality radio, but also the better selves we all hope we embody.... Maeder pitches a tent we can all find solace, acceptance and encouragement under. A genius read, but a life-affirming story.
The Yummy List
Everyone has a story to share about their upbringing. But few can tell a story as hilarious and as down-home as Jo Maeder.... This light-hearted memoir captures your heart, along with the complicated, intergenerational mother-daughter dance of life. Maeder proves it’s never too late to make peace with your mother…and yourself.
This Week’s Most Talked About Books
If you’re looking for a different kind of Mother’s Day gift, or just a nice story on the evergreen subject of mothers, you might want to consider [this] new book by Jo Maeder.... It’s not a radio book per se, but it’s clearly coming from a rock ‘n’ roll radio soul, and its told in a classic radio way—close your eyes and you feel like you’re there.
New York Daily News
The book haunted me, but not in a bad way. Instead, long after I closed the cover, I pictured the moments [Maeder] shared so vividly.... I was moved to tears.
Working Mother
Maeder offers touching book about caring for elderly parent.... A wonderful, witty, happy-and-sad, very touching memoir…Read this book if you have an aging parent. Read this book if you’ve cared for an aging parent or other elderly person. Read this book if you’ve lost your parents. It is well-written and insightful. It is funny and thought-provoking. It is delightful and heartbreaking at the same time. Read this book.
Roxboro Courier-Times
[A] heartfelt and humorous memoir…speaks volumes about the relationship between parent and child.... The reader truly gets a sense of who Mama Jo was, who Jo Maeder is, and the ties that bind them.” For many years she taught a course on radio at N.Y.U.
Yes! Weekly
Discussion Questions
1. What struck you as the hardest part for Jo once she’d made the decision to care for her mother?
2. How did Mama Jo’s divorce from Jo’s father impact the two of them and Jo’s brother thirty years later?
3. What was the biggest change in in Jo over the course of the story? How did her caring for Mama Jo change the rest of the family?
4. What observations did Jo make about southern culture after relocating from New York City? If from the South, do you agree with her? If you’re not from the South, did Jo’s book change any opinions you had about southerners? How would you describe New Yorkers?
5. What parts of the story made you laugh, and why? What parts made you tear up?
6. Did the story change your feelings about taking on a similar responsibility if one should arise? Did it cause you to think about making any changes in your life?
7. What did you think about Jo’s changing attitude toward religion in the book? Did any passages from the Bible come to mind as you were reading?
8. Mama Jo was described as a “world-class hoarder.” Do you know someone with this issue? What do you think causes it? What might you do to help someone with this disorder?
9. Why do you think Mama Jo collected dolls? What role did dolls play through the generations of Jo’s family? Has anyone in your family been a collector of something and passed the tradition down?
10. Jo said, “If you’re not right with your mama, you’re probably not going to be right with anyone.” What did she mean? Do you agree or disagree?
(Questions from the author's website, used here with her kind permission.)