The Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships
Harper Hill, 2009
Penguin USA
288 pp.
ISBN-13: 9781592405787
Summary
Only 34 percent of African-American children today are raised in two-parent households, a sharp contrast to 1966, when 85 percent of black children were raised by two parents.
In provocative but heartfelt words, Hill Harper takes on these urgent challenges, bringing a variety of issues out of the shadows. In The Conversation, Harper speaks to women and men with clear-eyed perspective, covering topics such as:
- The roots of the breakdown in the black family
- The myth that there are no mature, single, black male professionals
- What women can do to alleviate the "heaviness" they sometimes attach to dating
- What men can do to break the cycle of being a player
- The difference between sex and intimacy
- Bridging the communication gap
- Self-worth and net worth, and why you should never settle for an unworthy partner
Capturing the conversations Harper and his friends frequently have, this book is destined to be one of Harper's most healing contributions. (From the publisher.)
Author Bio
• Aka—Francis Harper
• Birth—May 17, 1966
• Where—Iowa City, Iowa, USA
• Education—B.A., Brown University; J.D. and M.P.A., Harvard
University
• Currently—N/A
Hill Harper is an American film, television and stage actor, as well as bestselling author.
Harper was born in Iowa City, Iowa, the son of Harry Harper, a psychiatrist, and Marilyn Hill, one of the first black practicing anesthesiologists in the United States. Acting since the age of 7, Harper has told of stories in which his mother had to pour water on him just to wake him up. He said he was and still is a hard sleeper.
Harper graduated from Brown University and also graduated with a J.D. from Harvard Law School, and a Master of Public Administration from the John F. Kennedy School of Govern-ment at Harvard University. During his years at Harvard, he was a full-time member of Boston's Black Folks Theater Company, one of the oldest and most acclaimed black theater troupes in the country.
He moved to Los Angeles to pursue acting, adopting the name "Hill" as tribute to both his maternal and paternal ancestors. He broke into both film and television in 1993, doing recurring work on the Fox series Married...with Children and making his film debut in the short Confessions of a Dog. His best-known role to date is that of coroner-turned-crime-scene-investigator Sheldon Hawkes on the American TV show CSI: NY.
Harper endorsed the 10,000 Bookbags back to school backpack campaign to help local disadvantaged children with Urban Change Ministries founder Pastor Jay Cameron of the Life Center and R&B singer Ginuwine.
He is also the bestselling author of Letters to a Young Brother (2006) Letters to a Young Sister (2008), and The Conversation (2009). (Bio adapted from Wikipedia.)
Book Reviews
Hill Harper trades solving crimes on-screen for a new mission: fixing relationship drama.
Essence
Hill Harper, the author of this book, wrote the bestseller Letters to a Young Brother, which won two NAACP awards and was named a Best Book for Young Adults by the American Library Association. Now, in his book for adults, he addresses the growing crisis in African-American relationships. In 1966, 85 percent of black children were raised by two parents; today only 34 percent are raised in two-parent households. Harper does not wallow in the sobering ramifications of that statistic; he attacks the problems at its roots. He writes frankly about racial myths that reinforce cynical dating attitudes among black men and women, and explains in detail how they can be neutralized. The Conversation is no bland nostrum; Harper offers specific, real-world responses to problems that African-American couples experience all too often.
Barnes & Noble Reviews
Hill's work presents a light, insightful, and accessible user's manual for African American men and women to better understand that which keeps us apart (and hopefully what can bring us closer together).
Wearerespectablenegroes.blogspot.com
Discussion Questions
Use our LitLovers Book Club Resources; they can help with discussions for any book:
• How to Discuss a Book (helpful discussion tips)
• Generic Discussion Questions—Fiction and Nonfiction
• Read-Think-Talk (a guided reading chart)
Also consider these LitLovers talking points to help get a discussion started for The Conversation:
1. What does Harper Hill mean when he says that he views his book as a "dialogue across the barricades that men and women have erected to protect themselves from each other"? To what kind of barricades is he referring? Have you "erected barricades" in your own life...or know others who have?
2. With topics such as "Dating a divorcé" and "Dating with kids,"is this book simply another dating how-to book? If so, in what way...and if not, how is it different?
3. Reading it, did you have the sense that it was aimed more toward men ... or women? Or do you feel Hill directs his message equally to both genders?
4. Do you agree with Hill's assessment when he writes this, in the following passage, about relationships between men and women:
We are growing jaded, cynical, tired, and world-weary before our time. We are expecting less and demanding less, and those lower expectations are making us unfulfilled and taking us farther from each other.
5. Hill wonders if men and women consider themselves friends. He writes that...
despite all the emphatic "I love men" and "I love women" declarations—[I wonder] whether men and women really even liked each other at all.
What do you think—do men and women like each other? How does "liking" differ from "loving"? How important is it to "like" your partner?
6. Do you agree or disagree with Hill's assertion that, when Black men don't live up to their responsibilities in a relationship—with women or children, they are not held accountable? Is that a fair statement?
7. Where does Hill think the roots of the problems lie when it comes to creating and sustaining stable, loving relationships?
8. Overall, what do you think of The Conversation? Does Hill cover new ground or say things that have been said before? Does he offer new insights into issues? Does Hill offer viable solutions to the problems he considers...or is his book basically a "scold"? Is this book essential reading for men and women?
9. Does Hill's book speak to you, personally? Does it make you reflect on your own life experiences?
10. Do you notice any recent societal trends that might change—either by improving or exacerbating—the issues that concern Hill?
(Questions by LitLovers. Please feel free to use them, online or off, with attribution. Thanks.)
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