Girl Meets God: A Memoir
Lauren F. Winner, 2002
Random House
320 pp.
ISBN-13: 9780812970807
Summary
Like most of us, Lauren Winner wants something to believe in. The child of a reform Jewish father and a lapsed Southern Baptist mother, she chose to become an Orthodox Jew. But as she faithfully observes the Sabbath rituals and studies Jewish laws, she finds herself increasingly drawn to Christianity. Taking a courageous step, she leaves behind what she loves and converts. Now the even harder part: How does one reinvent a religious self? How does one embrace the new without abandoning the old? How does a convert become spiritually whole.
In Girl Meets God, this appealingly honest young woman takes us through a year in her search for a religious identity. Despite her conversion, she finds that her world is still shaped by her Jewish experiences. Even as she rejoices in the holy days of the Christian calendar, she mourns the Jewish rituals she still holds dear. Attempting to reconcile the two sides of her religious self, Winner applies the lessons of Judaism to the teachings of the New Testament, hosts a Christian seder, and struggles to fit her Orthodox friends into her new religious life. Ultimately she learns that faith takes practice and belief is an ongoing challenge. Like Anne Lamott's, Winner's journey to Christendom is bumpy, but it is the rocky path itself that makes her a perfect guide to exploring spirituality in today's complicated world. Her engaging approach to religion in the twenty-first century is illuminating, thought-provoking, and most certainly controversial. (From the publisher.)
Author Bio
• Birth—October 13, 1976
• Where—Asheville, North Carolina, USA
• Education—B.A., Columbia University; M.A., Cambridge
University
• Currently—lives in Charlottesville, Virginia
The child of a Jewish father and a lapsed Southern Baptist mother, Lauren F. Winner chose to become an Orthodox Jew. But even as she was observing Sabbath rituals and studying Jewish law, Lauren was increasingly drawn to Christianity. Courageously leaving what she loved, she eventually converted. (From the publisher.)
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(From a 2003 Barnes & Noble interview)
Q: What was the book that most influenced your life or your career as a writer?
A: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson. This had something of a cult following when I was in high school, and I read it at the urging of my then beau. It didn't lead me to take up gonzo journalism, but it was the book that taught me that being a writer didn't mean necessarily writing fiction. I'd heard of "creative non-fiction" before I read Thompson, but I didn't have a sense of what it was, or how it worked.
Q: What are your favorite books, and what makes them special to you?
A: Ashley Warlick's first novel The Distance from the Heart of Things—Gorgeous prose. Also, encouraging for young writers. Warlick wrote The Distance from the Heart of Things in her early 20s. And yet she is wise and believable and masterful.
• Kristen Lavransdatter by Sigird Undset—I didn't discover Kristen till last year. A lot of my friends read this as girls, when they were reading Anne of Green Gables and Little House on the Prairie. But they missed out! It is worth reading, or rereading, as an adult, not least so that you can read Tina Nunnally's marvelous new translation.
• Mystery and Manners by Flannery O'Connor—She's known, of course, for her fiction, but this summer I reread the occasional essays in Mystery and Manners and thought—as brilliant as her fiction is, her prose is even more transparent; deadlier.
• Home Comforts by Cheryl Mendelson—This is no mere collection of household hints. I wish I could write like Mendelson. Her prose does not suffer fools.
• The Strange Career of Jim Crow by C. Vann Woodward—Not merely one of the most influential American history books of the twentieth century. Strange Career is also a lesson in why history matters in the present day. And, like Mendelson, Woodward suffers no fools.
• M.F.K Fisher's The Art of Eating and Supper of the Lamb by Robert Capon. What is there more pleasing to the senses than good food writing?
• W H Auden's poetry. Yes, I admit it, I was turned on to Auden by the reading of "Funeral Blues" in Four Weddings and a Funeral, but I subsequently discovered the wide wonderful Auden world.
• Lately, I have been reading that wonderful sub-genre of mysteries, The Cozy— My favorites are Murder at the PTA Luncheon by Valerie Wolzien, and, most recently, the Hemlock Falls mysteries by Claudia Bishop.
Q: What are some of your favorite films, and what makes them unforgettable to you?
A: I am not a big film buff. I think this is a negative comment on me, not a comment on films! Somehow they don't hold my attention as books do. I could, however, happily watch a Maggie Smith film every day.
Q: What types of music do you like? Is there any particular kind you like to listen to when you're writing?
A: I'm pretty eclectic when it comes to music. I like ragtime, and folk, and choral music. If I were sent to a desert island with just one genre, though, it would be chamber music. Specifically string quartets.
Q: If you had a book club, what would it be reading—and why?
A: Sometimes I think I am the only woman in Charlottesville who is not in a book club. This is a very book club-ish town—I have often thought of starting a book club at my church. I'd like to read books that are not explicitly "Christian," and then discuss them through the lenses of Christianity. That might mean reading The Lobster Chronicles or Sophia Peabody Hawthorne's 19th-century travel writing, or...practically anything!
Q: What are your favorite kinds of books to give—and get—as gifts?
A: There is no more satisfying feeling than giving the perfect book to the perfect person. This Christmas, I'll be giving several people Vinita Hampton Wright's new novella, The Winter Seeking, and I'll also be giving several special folks Marguerite Yourcenar's novel Memoirs of Hadrian. I think I've given away more copies of Hadrian than any other single book.
Q: Do you have any special writing rituals? For example, what do you have on your desk when you're writing?
A: I am incredibly disorganized, so my computer just barely carves out space on my des—it keeps good company with heaps of papers and books. This fall, my mother was dying, so my writing schedule got fairly knocked out of whack, but in a good, theoretical universe, I start writing at 4 in the morning. Otherwise, I am too easily distracted by incoming email and ringing phones! Only folks on the other side of the world (and I don't know that many) email me at 4:00 a.m.
Q: Many writers in the Discover program are hardly "overnight success" stories. How long did it take for you to get where you are today? Any rejection-slip horror stories or inspirational anecdotes
A: My most thorough writing training came in academia. My dissertation advisor is one of the best writers going, and if I've learned 1/10 of what she knows about crafting prose, I'm doing well. But it still has been quite a process to turn away from the rules of academic prose and write more fun, more popular books (it's even harder to turn back and finish the aforementioned dissertation, but that's another story).
Q: If you could choose one new writer to be "discovered," who would it be—and why?
A: The novelist Nancy Lemann. I feel a little absurd saying that she needs to be "discovered," because she certainly has more acclaim than I. But I am always stunned when my friends let slip that they have not read her. She is a poet who writes in prose, and her prose sounds like what it describes— the decadence of New Orleans. Her first novel, The Lives of the Saints, is hard to beat. (From Barnes & Noble.)
Book Reviews
A passionate and thoroughly engaging account of a continuing spiritual journey within two profoundly different faiths.
New York Times Book Review
A charming, humorous, and sometimes abrasive recollection of a religious coming-of-age.... A compelling journey from Judaism to Christianity.
Atlanta Journal-Constitution
A book to savor.... Winner is an all-too-human believer, and the rest of us can see our own struggles, theological and otherwise, in hers.
Fort Worth Star-Telegram
Raised by a lapsed Baptist mother and secular Jewish father, Winner feels a drive toward God as powerful as her drives toward books and boys. Twice she has attempted to read her way into religion to Orthodox Judaism her freshman year at Columbia, and then four years later at Cambridge to Anglican Christianity. Twice she has discovered that a religion's actual practitioners may not measure up to its theoretical proponents. (Invariably the boyfriends or their mothers disappoint.) It is easier to say what this book is not than what it is. It is not a conversion memoir: Winner's movement in and out of religious frames, but does not tell, her tale. It is not a defense of either faith (there is something here to offend every reader); and Winner, a doctoral candidate in the history of religion, is in her 20s young for autobiography. Because most chapters, though loosely related to the Christian church year, could stand alone, it resembles a collection of essays; but the ensemble is far too unified to deserve that label. Clearly it is memoir, literary and spiritual, sharing Anne Lamott's self-deprecating intensity and Stephen J. Dubner's passion for authenticity. Though Winner does not often scrutinize her motives, she reveals herself through abundant, concrete and often funny descriptions of her life, inner and outer. Winner's record of her own experience so far is a page-turning debut by a young writer worth watching.
Publishers Weekly
A senior writer for Christianity Today and an essayist whose works have appeared in the New York Times Book Review, Winner is a recently converted Episcopalian and former Orthodox Jew. The daughter of a lapsed Southern Baptist mother and secular Jewish father, this young writer offers a fresh perspective on the ways religion relates to the lives of Gen Xers (born between 1965 and 1976). She has structured her spiritual autobiography as linked reflections based on annual religious festivals, beginning with a chapter titled "Sukkot" and followed by essays based on the names of Christian celebrations. The book is a humorous, sexually frank portrait of a deeply engaged faith shopper, "stumbling her way towards God." The memoir focuses on her undergraduate years (when she converted to Judaism and then to Christianity) and her life as a doctoral student in religious history at Columbia University. One has a sense that Winner's head is still spinning and that she is still catching up with her changes of heart. The turbulent narrative is at first hard to follow, but its disorder becomes a delight as the author's gentle, self-effacing humor emerges. Winner offers a rare perspective, connecting Christian and Jewish traditions in unexpected ways. Recommended for larger public libraries. —Joyce Smothers, M.L.S., Princeton Theological Seminary, NJ
Library Journal
I have spent my whole life since middle school, and actually even before that, seeking God. In this collection of biographical and theological musings, structured around Jewish festivals and the seasons of the Christian liturgical year, Winner considers her path from Reform Jew to Orthodoxy to self-described evangelical Episcopalian. Frank, often funny, sometimes sexy, and disarmingly honest, her story is far from the "how I found Jesus" tract one might expect. Sophisticated, well-educated with degrees from Columbia and Cambridge, and the child of a secular Jewish father and a lapsed Baptist mother, Winner at age twenty-something is very much a modern, worldly wise young woman. Her spiritual self-examination could almost be a caricature of the self-absorption sometimes considered characteristic of GenX'ers. Her writing what amounts to an autobiography while still in her twenties might be considered premature. How, the reader wonders, does one know that she will not go off to become a Buddhist next year, but she even addresses this question. The book's appeal lies in Winner's sincerity and her willingness to share her struggle to be honest and faithful to God. Many young seekers fumbling their way to faith will appreciate the example of someone who is not a stereotypical, good-girl Sunday schooler but whose belief is heartfelt and hard-won. Her well-written, absorbing account provides an important validation for those readers who may not be ready for Kathleen Norris or Anne Lamott, but who share their bumpy paths to spirituality. Better than most, marred only by occasional lapses.
Kathleen Beck - VOYA
In her debut memoir, Christianity Today senior writer Winner recounts her two religious conversions, first to Orthodox Judaism, then to Evangelical Christianity. The author's Southern Baptist mother and Jewish father agreed to raise their children within Judaism, although according to religious law the girls were not officially Jews. A bookworm who loved studying and practicing the ins and outs of tradition, Lauren decided to officially convert as soon as she began her undergraduate education at Columbia University. Despite her wholehearted efforts, however-6 a.m. study sessions, her commitment to observe the laws of kashrut-she couldn't ignore the fact that just two years after her conversion, Jesus seemed to be calling her. How? There was the dream about being captured by mermaids, Winner writes, and there was the undeniable appeal of the mass-market, Christian-themed Mitford novels by Jan Karon. As a child of divorce, she may have been seeking the most stable, familial religion, Winner acknowledges, although that argument ignores a central fact: "Conversion is complicated.... It is about family, and geography, and politics, and psychology, and economics. [But] it is also about God." When pondering the author's double conversion, one could also consider the fact that Winner was raised in the Christian South by a Christian mother. This is all secondary, however, to her narrative's real strength, which is its addictive readability combined with the author's deep knowledge of, delight in, and nuanced discussion of both Christian and Jewish teachings. Loosely structured around the progression of the Christian calendar, Winner's text weaves together meditations on the meanings of theholidays, different modes of observance, and the day-to-day difficulties of switching teams and convincing people that this time she means it. Intriguing, absorbing, puzzling, surprisingly sexy, and very smart.
Kirkus Reviews
Discussion Questions
1. A major theme in Girl Meets God is friendship. Who are some of Lauren's friends, and what role do they play in her spiritual journey? Do friends play a similarly important role in your own life?
2. Fidelity is a motif in Girl Meets God. How does Lauren respond to her friend Hannah's infidelity? Why is infidelity such a poignant and pointed topic for her?
3. Two different chapters in this book have the title "Conversion Stories." Why do they have the same title? Do they tell similar or different stories about religious conversion?
4. Lauren's book is structured according to the Jewish and Christian calendars–it is organized around liturgical seasons and holidays like Sukkot and Advent. Why is the book structured this way? What effect does it have on you, the reader?
5. Lauren suggests that "ruptures are the most interesting part of any text, that in the ruptures we learn something new." (p. 8) How is Lauren's story marked by ruptures, and what do we learn from them?
6. Upon converting to Christianity, Lauren gives up all things Jewish–she even says that "trading my Hebrew prayer book for an Episcopal Book of Common Prayer felt exactly like filing for divorce." (p. 9) Is divorce an apt metaphor for Lauren's relationship with Judaism? Does she eventually recover some of her Jewish practice?
7. What is the plot of Girl Meets God? Is it a coming-of-age story? A story of a quest? Does it present clear questions at the outset, and, if so, does it offer tidy answers to those questions at the end? When Lauren is a teenager, a woman from her synagogue gives her a poem that instructs "Return with us, return to us, /be always coming home." (p. 34) Is Girl Meets God a story of homecoming?
8. Lauren says that the "very first thing I liked about Christianity, long before it ever occurred to me to go to church or say the creed or call myself a Christian, was the Incarnation." (p. 51) What is appealing to Lauren about the Christian story of the Incarnation?
9. Lauren's story is one of spiritual change and conversion, or making and remaking her spiritual self. In what ways is the story of reinvention a distinctively American story? Have you experienced an analogous remaking or reinvention of self?
10. Geography and place play a central role in Lauren's narrative. To what extent do the landscapes of the American South and New York City shape her experiences?
11. Lauren readily admits to being a bookworm. What role do books and reading play in her spiritual development? How have books been important in your own life?
12. Memoir, as a genre, involves the author presenting a particular self to her audience. To what extent does Lauren suggest she has "arrived" as a Christian? Does she readily admit to spiritual failings, or is she eager to present herself as someone with all the answers?
(Questions from the publisher.)