Nuture Shock: New Thinking About Children
Po Bronson, Ashley Merryman, 2009
Twelve Books
352 pp.
ISBN-13: 9780446504133
Summary
In a world of modern, involved, caring parents, why are so many kids aggressive and cruel? Where is intelligence hidden in the brain, and why does that matter? Why do cross-racial friendships decrease in schools that are more integrated? If 98% of kids think lying is morally wrong, then why do 98% of kids lie? What's the single most important thing that helps infants learn language?
NurtureShock is a groundbreaking collaboration between award-winning science journalists Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman. They argue that when it comes to children, we've mistaken good intentions for good ideas. With impeccable storytelling and razor-sharp analysis, they demonstrate that many of modern society's strategies for nurturing children are in fact backfiring—because key twists in the science have been overlooked.
Nothing like a parenting manual, the authors' work is an insightful exploration of themes and issues that transcend children's (and adults) lives. (From the publisher.)
Author Bios
• Name—Po Bronson
• Birth—March 14, 1964
• Where—Seattle, Washington, USA
• Education—B.A., Stanford University; M.F.A., San Francisco
State University
• Currently—lives in San Francisco, California
Po Bronson is the rare writer that makes no claims to having an extraordinary or controversial history. On his web site, he states, "I'm a regular guy. I don't have much of a particularly unusual story." While some may assume such a description might not be the makings of a person with any stories worth telling, it actually provides the perfect background for a writer such as Bronson. He has made it his mission to relate the stories of his fellow everyday people, and with books such as What Should I Do With My Life? and Why Do I Love These People?, he has proved that ordinary people can lead extraordinary lives.
A prolific writer with a talent well-suited for a variety of genres, Bronson started out dabbling in screenplays, op-eds, TV and radio scripts, performance monologues, and literary reviews, and his first two books were satirical novels. Bombardiers (1995) was a sort of Catch 22 set in the bond-trading business; The First $20 Million Is Always the Hardest: A Silicon Valley Novel, Vol. 4 (1997) a tale about the West Coast tech boom of the late 1990's. With his third book, The Nudist on the Late Shift: And Other Tales of Silicon Valley, he turned his focus away from fiction and toward the true stories of the tech-heads he encountered while working as a writer in Silicon Valley. Hailed by the Village Voice Literary Supplement upon its publication as "the most complete and empathetic portrait of the Valley so far," the breakout bestseller established Bronson as the first author to truly capture the spirit of the high-tech heyday
In writing What Should I Do With My Life? (2003), Bronson posed that very question to a variety of regular folks all around the globe. The result: a rich and fascinating compendium of inspirational, witty, and insightful personal stories about finding one's direction, vocational and otherwise. The book was a tremendous success, and Bronson had clearly found his niche. Why Do I Love These People? followed in late 2005. This time around, Bronson questioned a multitude of people about illness, resolving familial conflicts, infidelity, prejudice, money problems, abuse, death, and other provocative issues, once again illustrating that one need not be a celebrity to lead a life worth reading about. Among others, Bronson encounters a Southern Baptist in the Ozarks who tracks down the teenage son he had abandoned at birth, a woman who fought for her life and the life of her children while trapped underwater in a Texas river, and a Turkish Muslim who wed a U.S. naval officer—a union resulting in death threats from her own father.
Bronson characterizes his recent books as "social documentaries," but he doesn't rule out returning to the other genres he's loved. He does, however, credit his recent work with one important feature: "I used to write novels, and maybe I will again one day," he told BN.com in an audio interview, "but I have found that writing these social documentaries is good for me as a person." (From Barnes & Noble.)
___________________
• Name—Ashley Merryman
• Education—B.F.A., University of Southern California; J.D., Georgetown University
• Currently—lives in Los Angeles, California
Ashley Merryman is a writer and attorney living in Los Angeles. She previously served in the Clinton Administration in various positions, including as a speechwriter / researcher to then Vice-President Al Gore.
Her play, Metanoia, has had staged readings in Los Angeles and Chicago, while her other writings have appeared in the Washington Post and the National Catholic Reporter. She has a JD from Georgetown, a BFA from the University of Southern California, and a Certificate in Irish Studies from Queen’s University, Northern Ireland. In addition to NurtureShock, Ashley has been working with Bronson Po on pieces for Time magazine and the Guardian. (From the author's blog.)
Book Reviews
The authors throw open the doors on this research to create a book that is not only groundbreaking but compelling as well. Even if you don't have children, or your kids are grown, you should find the revelations about how the brain works and the rigors and frustrations of the scientific process captivating.... We see [Bronson and Merryman] doggedly digging for answers to confounding questions.... Bronson, with his gentle, conversational style, lays out every conundrum clearly, and shows all the steps the researchers took to ensure accurate results, including tweaking their testing methods when results were inconclusive or seemed flawed. In a sense, it's "Science for Dummies" —explaining cutting-edge research to a lay readership.... Riveting.
San Francisco Chronicle
Engaging.... It's not didactic—more of a revelatory journey.... Bronson relays some startling scientific findings.... Nobody's ever done this before in a systematic way.... Using the simple technique of speaking to researchers and observing them at work, Bronson and Merryman avoid the smugness common to the parenting oeuvre, which is often rather self-satisfied and/or guilt-inducing. This book's great value is to show that much of what we take to be the norms of parenting—i.e. what's good for children—is actually non-scientific and based on our own adult social anxieties.... This is a funny, clever, sensible book. Every parent should read it.
Financial Times
The central premise of this book by Bronson (What Should I Do with My Life?) and Merryman, a Washington Post journalist, is that many of modern society's most popular strategies for raising children are in fact backfiring because key points in the science of child development and behavior have been overlooked. Two errant assumptions are responsible for current distorted child-rearing habits, dysfunctional school programs and wrongheaded social policies: first, things work in children the same way they work in adults and, second, positive traits necessarily oppose and ward off negative behavior. These myths, and others, are addressed in 10 provocative chapters that cover such issues as the inverse power of praise (effort counts more than results); why insufficient sleep adversely affects kids' capacity to learn; why white parents don't talk about race; why kids lie; that evaluation methods for “giftedness” and accompanying programs don't work; why siblings really fight (to get closer). Grownups who trust in “old-fashioned” common-sense child-rearing—the definitely un-PC variety, with no negotiation or parent-child equality—will have less patience for this book than those who fear they lack innate parenting instincts. The chatty reportage and plentiful anecdotes belie the thorough research backing up numerous cited case studies, experts' findings and examination of successful progressive programs at work in schools.
Publishers Weekly
Why are kids today so fat? Too much TV and Internet surfing, right? Nope. What’s better for kids—watching Power Rangers or Clifford the Big Red Dog? (It’s not what you think.) Prepare to be slack-jawed as Bronson (What Should I Do With My Life?) and Merryman excavate astonishing research that reveals why our parenting strategies have backfired: why smart kids are underperforming, why Baby Einstein watchers speak fewer words than their peers, and why kindergarteners in the gifted program are no smarter than others. Chapters address sibling relations, self-control, sleep effects, and other relevant topics. The book presents a panoramic view of the latest research and is further distinguished by pragmatic prose that avoids alarmism and sanctimony. Verdict: This tour de force is one of the best parenting psychology books in years and will likely be seismic in influence. —Julianne J. Smith, Ypsilanti Dist. Lib., MI
Library Journal
A provocative collection of essays popularizing recent research that challenges conventional wisdom about raising children. An award-winning article, "How Not to Talk to Your Kids," which advised parents that telling children they are smart is counterproductive, prompted journalists Bronson (Why Do I Love These People?: Honest and Amazing Stories of Real Families, 2005, etc.) and Merryman to dig further into the science of child development. Here they ably explore a range of subjects of interest to parents: adolescents' sleep needs and the effects of sleep deprivation, children's attitudes toward skin color and race, why children lie, the dangers of using a single intelligence test at an early age to determine giftedness, how interactions with other children affect relationships with siblings, the positive effects of marital conflict, how self-control can be taught, the effects of different types of TV programs on children's behavior and the development of language in young children. Their findings are often surprising. For example, in schools with greater racial diversity, the odds that a child will have a friend of a different race decrease; listening to "baby DVDs" does not increase an infant's rate of word acquisition; children with inconsistent and permissive fathers are nearly as aggressive in school as children of distant and disengaged fathers. Bronson and Merryman call attention to what they see as two basic errors in thinking about children. The first is the fallacy of similar effect—the assumption that what is true for adults is also true for children. The second—the fallacy of the good/bad dichotomy—is the assumption that a trait or factor is either good or bad, when in factit may be both (e.g., skill at lying may be a sign of intelligence, and empathy may become a tool of aggression.) The authors also provide helpful notes for each chapter and an extensive bibliography. A skilled, accessible presentation of scientific research in layman's language.
Kirkus Reviews
Discussion Questions
Use our LitLovers Book Club Resources; they can help with discussions for any book:
• How to Discuss a Book (helpful discussion tips)
• Generic Discussion Questions—Fiction and Nonfiction
• Read-Think-Talk (a guided reading chart)
Also consider these LitLovers talking points to help get a discussion started for NutureShock:
1. What is the overall premise of Bronson and Merryman's book? What do you think sets NurtureShock apart from other parenting advice books on the market?
2. In his introduction, how does Bronson compare the 1950's paint-by-number hobby with parenting-by-the-book?
3. How does Bronson define the innate maternal instinct? Does he suggest instinct is a dependable guide for child rearing, or not?
4. Given your discussion of Question #3, does Bronson contradict himself at the end of his introduction when he says that, given all the scientific findings, "the new thinking about children felt self-evident and logical, even obvious.... It felt entirely natural, a restoration of common sense"?
5. Chapter 1 discusses the value and consequences of praising your child. How do Bronson and Merryman suggest praising can backfire?
6. Chapter 2 talks about the prevelance of sleep deprivation in the current generation of children and adolescents. What do the authors suggest are the consequences of lack of sleep?
7. Chapter 3 offers some startling insights into racial issues regarding children. What are the authors' findings about how to talk about race with children...and about diversity in our schools?
8. Chapter 4 addresses truth and lying. What does the research indicate about encouraging children to be truthful?
9. Chapter 5 undermines the validity of testing results for giftedness and intelligence. What surprised you the most about this chapter?
10. Chapter 6 challenges the ideas that siblings provide one another a path to healthy socialization. What does scientific evidence indicate about sibling rivalry and only children?
11. Chapter 7 focuses on teen rebellion. How do the authors view teenage arguing?
12. Chapter 8 talks about teaching children self-control. What do studies suggest about this area?
13. Chapter 9 is centered on antisocial behavior? What was surprising—or not—in their findings. Who, does it turn out, does the bullying, and who does not? What happens when parents try to intervene and teach their children not to bully? What are the options for children—to have friends or to be picked on? Is there another option?
14. Chapter 10 revolved around language acquisition. What points do the authors make about jump-starting your child to speak early?
15. Which findings in the book most surprised you? Which seemed most counter-intuitive or challenged the ways in which you have always thought about child-rearing?
16. Were there findings in the book that confirmed some of you prior understandings about children?
17. Some criticism of this book has centered on the fact that it points out problems but offers little guidance? Do you agree...and if so, in which areas would you have appreciated more advice. If you disagree with that statement...why?
18. Given the plethora of child-rearing advice books, should this particular book be taken seriously by parents and educators? Why or why not?
19. If you do consider NurtureShock a serious book, what would need to change in your approach to child-rearing and/or education? How can you best maximize attempts to achieve effective learning, better socialization, and more confident children?
20. On the other hand, what do you feel you are doing correctly?
(Questions by LitLovers. Please feel free to use them, online or off, with attribution. Thanks.)
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