Following Ezra: What One Father Learned About Gumby, Otters, Autism, and Love From His Extraordinary Son
Tom Fields-Meyer
Penguin Group USA
256 pp.
ISBN-13: 9780451234636
Summary
When Tom Fields-Meyer's son Ezra was three and showing early signs of autism, a therapist suggested that the father needed to grieve.
"For what?" he asked.
The answer: "For the child he didn't turn out to be."
That moment helped strengthen the author's resolve to do just the opposite: to love the child Ezra was, a quirky boy with a fascinating and complex mind.
Full of tender moments and unexpected humor, Following Ezra is the story of a father and son on a ten-year journey from Ezra's diagnosis to the dawn of his adolescence. It celebrates his growth from a remote toddler to an extraordinary young man, connected in his own remarkable ways to the world around him. (From the publisher.)
Author Bio
• Birth—N/A
• Where—Portland, Oregon, USA
• Education—B.A., Harvard University
• Currently—lives in Los Angeles, California
Tom Fields-Meyer has been writing stories for popular audiences for nearly three decades, specializing in telling meaningful and worthwhile narratives with humanity, humor and grace.
In twelve years as senior writer at People, he produced scores human-interest pieces and profiles of newsmakers. He penned articles on some of the biggest crime stories of the day (from the O.J. Simpson trial to the murder of Matthew Shepherd), profiled prominent politicians and world leaders (Nancy Pelosi, Pope John Paul II, Sen. Ted Kennedy), and demonstrated a pitch-perfect touch writing tales of ordinary people overcoming life’s challenges in inspiring and compelling ways.
Tom also lends his skills to help others to put their compelling personal narratives into words. He teamed up with the late Eva Brown, a popular speaker at The Simon Wiesenthal Center’s Museum of Tolerance, to write Brown’s memoir, If You Save One Life: A Survivor’s Memoir (2007). Wiesenthal executive director Rabbi Marvin Hier called the book “very significant and meaningful…an everlasting and important legacy…and a reminder to future generations that championing tolerance, justice and social change are everyone’s obligation.”
Tom collaborated with Noah Alper, founder Noah’s Bagels, the successful West Coast chain, on Alper’s memoir: Business Mensch: Timeless Wisdom for Today’s Entrepreneur (2009). Publisher’s Weekly said: “This earnest book shines with Alper’s conviction, business savvy and decency.”
Tom’s own memoir, Following Ezra: What One Father Learned About Gumby, Otters, Autism, and Love from His Extraordinary Son, was published in 2011. Full of tender moments and unexpected humor, the book tells the story of a father and son on a ten-year journey from Ezra’s diagnosis to the dawn of his adolescence. It celebrates Ezra’s evolution from a remote toddler to an extraordinary young man, connected in his own remarkable ways to the world around him.
Tom previously worked as a news reporter and feature writer for the Dallas Morning News, where he covered the kinds of stories that happen only in Texas (shootouts in Country-Western dance halls, culture pieces on the State Fair) and once was dispatched to Nevada to investigate a road designated by AAA as “America’s loneliest highway.” As a senior editor at the Chronicle of Higher Education, he traveled the nation’s campuses and once convinced his editor to send him on a 10-day junket aboard a schooner in the Bahamas (an assignment he came to regret, not just because of seasickness). Tom’s writing has appeared in dozens of publications, including the New York Times Magazine, Wall Street Journal, Los Angeles Times and Washington Post.
A graduate of Harvard University, Tom lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Rabbi Shawn Fields-Meyer, and their three sons. (From the author's website.)
Book Reviews
Following Ezra is a revelation. I could not put it down. This inspiring memoir of a father raising (and being raised by) his autistic son is a great lesson about patience and the blessings that can come when we let our unique children lead us.
Rabbi Naomi Levy - Author (To Begin Again and Hope Will Find You)
A riveting account of raising one special boy, Following Ezra is a powerful story for parents of any child. This inspiring book shows us that seeing meaning and depth in our children's idiosyncrasies is crucial to raising strong, secure and resilient kids. Tom Fields-Meyer has written a beautiful, funny, tender book."
Michael Gurian - Author (The Wonder of Boys)
Anyone who is raising a child with special needs should read Following Ezra. It shows how warmth and humor—yes, humor—can help not just the child, but the family, more than most of us could ever imagine.
James Patterson - Author
When Tom Fields-Meyer's son Ezra was diagnosed with autism, the author decided to forego mourning for the child who might have been, and concentrate instead on the delightful kid he had. Following Ezra is at once a meticulous description of what it is to parent a child who has autism, and a salute to the kid whose mind takes both of"
Carolyn See - Author and Book Critic
Discussion Questions
1. A therapist tells Tom Fields-Meyer and his wife Shawn that they should grieve “for the child he didn’t turn out to be.” How do you respond to her advice, and to the author’s own reaction to it?
2. In the Prologue, the author introduces the book’s central metaphor: Rather than leading his son or walking by his side, the father opts to “follow” Ezra. What is your reaction to Tom Fields-Meyer’s choice, and how does it compare to your own parenting style—or to the way your parents raised you? How do you think you would react to having a child like Ezra?
3. Chapter One opens with a pivotal moment, the conference at which it becomes clear to the author that Ezra faces serious challenges. When in your life did you receive information that changed everything? How did you react?
4. “It wasn’t about finding the right expert, it was about learning to be the right parent.” What does the author mean by this statement (in the Prologue), and how does it play itself out in Following Ezra?
5. Chapter Ten opens with the author excitedly watching his son chase a boy at the park, only to learn that Ezra isn’t focused on the child, but the picture on his hat. What’s your emotional reaction to this scene, and how does it illustrate some of the book’s central themes?
6. Following Ezra paints a portrait of a highly unusual individual. Describe a person you have encountered who’s different in some extreme way. How have you reacted? How did the person make you feel? And how has reading this book made you think differently about encountering such people?
7. On one visit to the zoo, Ezra races through without stopping to look at a single animal. At first. the author finds this frustrating and confusing, but ultimately how does the incident help the father’s understanding of his son?
8. While Following Ezra is about one particular father and son, it’s full of valuable lessons for all kinds of parents. What parenting advice did you find most valuable?
9. After the author observes his son’s remarkable feats of memory (at the end of Chapter Nine), he contemplates “the impossibly thin line between ability and disability.” What does he mean by that? How does that theme emerge in Following Ezra, and how have you seen that line in your own experience?
10. When Ezra’s mother explains to him that he has autism (Chapter Thirteen), Ezra asks whether that’s “good” “bad.” What do you think of her answer? And what would yours be, and why?
11. How does the author both follow and lead his son? What are some benefits and challenges of following and leading for their relationship—and for parents in general.
12. Throughout the book, Ezra develops fixations—with animated characters, particular animals, toys. How does his unusual ability to focus on such things pose challenges for Ezra? How does it serve him?
13. Based on your reading of Following Ezra, what is your understanding of what autism is? How is it different from your impression before your read the book?
14. Several people help the author to understand and connect with his son: Debbie, the preschool teacher; Miriam, the therapist; Hugh, the barber; Dr. Miller, psychologist; Dawn, the preschool aide; Tito, the boy who can’t speak. Whose advice or example do you find most and least helpful, and why?
(Questions kindly provided by the author.)