Following Ezra (Fields-Meyer) - Discussion Questions

Discussion Questions
1. A therapist tells Tom Fields-Meyer and his wife Shawn that they should grieve “for the child he didn’t turn out to be.” How do you respond to her advice, and to the author’s own reaction to it?

2. In the Prologue, the author introduces the book’s central metaphor: Rather than leading his son or walking by his side, the father opts to “follow” Ezra. What is your reaction to Tom Fields-Meyer’s choice, and how does it compare to your own parenting style—or to the way your parents raised you? How do you think you would react to having a child like Ezra?

3. Chapter One opens with a pivotal moment, the conference at which it becomes clear to the author that Ezra faces serious challenges. When in your life did you receive information that changed everything? How did you react?

4. “It wasn’t about finding the right expert, it was about learning to be the right parent.” What does the author mean by this statement (in the Prologue), and how does it play itself out in Following Ezra?

5. Chapter Ten opens with the author excitedly watching his son chase a boy at the park, only to learn that Ezra isn’t focused on the child, but the picture on his hat. What’s your emotional reaction to this scene, and how does it illustrate some of the book’s central themes?

6. Following Ezra paints a portrait of a highly unusual individual. Describe a person you have encountered who’s different in some extreme way. How have you reacted? How did the person make you feel? And how has reading this book made you think differently about encountering such people?

7. On one visit to the zoo, Ezra races through without stopping to look at a single animal. At first. the author finds this frustrating and confusing, but ultimately how does the incident help the father’s understanding of his son?

8. While Following Ezra is about one particular father and son, it’s full of valuable lessons for all kinds of parents. What parenting advice did you find most valuable?

9. After the author observes his son’s remarkable feats of memory (at the end of Chapter Nine), he contemplates “the impossibly thin line between ability and disability.” What does he mean by that? How does that theme emerge in Following Ezra, and how have you seen that line in your own experience?

10. When Ezra’s mother explains to him that he has autism (Chapter Thirteen), Ezra asks whether that’s “good” “bad.” What do you think of her answer? And what would yours be, and why?

11. How does the author both follow and lead his son? What are some benefits and challenges of following and leading for their relationship—and for parents in general.

12. Throughout the book, Ezra develops fixations—with animated characters, particular animals, toys. How does his unusual ability to focus on such things pose challenges for Ezra? How does it serve him?

13. Based on your reading of Following Ezra, what is your understanding of what autism is? How is it different from your impression before your read the book?

14. Several people help the author to understand and connect with his son: Debbie, the preschool teacher; Miriam, the therapist; Hugh, the barber; Dr. Miller, psychologist; Dawn, the preschool aide; Tito, the boy who can’t speak. Whose advice or example do you find most and least helpful, and why?
(Questions kindly provided by the author.)

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